The Choice of an Adoption Plan

October 2007

Adoption is a wonderful option for many needy children, but it is not the only option. After 28 years in the field, I am still learning new things and challenged to look at child welfare in new ways. Recently I attended a terrific conference that focused exclusively on critical ethical issues of adoption. It was wonderful to spend two full days with hundreds of people who are advocates for the rights of all children to have a safe, loving and promising future. A wide variety of topics were discussed, from issues of "adoption language" to the emphasis of keeping families together.

Fifty years ago most women in the United States who considered an adoption plan for their child had few realistic choices except to relinquish their baby for adoption. The term “birth parent” was the unofficial label given to anyone who surrendered their parental rights, as well as anyone in pre-placement counseling or those considering an adoption plan.

Over the years times have changed but the term "birth parent" has stayed with us until recently. Expectant parents in our country now have options that will help them raise a child rather than make a plan for adoption. National statistics show that 50% of all expectant parents who are considering an adoption plan do not relinquish their child. They never become birth parents. Until a child is legally relinquished for placement, they are "expectant parents" or parents of that child.

Too often, parents in other countries do not have the same option for choice that people have in the U.S. Poverty, illness and cultural values have a great impact on choices that are made. Abandonment or relinquishment of a child may be the only alternative that parents feel they have. Those of us working in adoption and those who are advocates for the option of adoption need to make it a priority to help families stay together. One way to do this is through programs that help parents economically and medically. Through education and training of our partners abroad, we can introduce new concepts and ideas that support the nuclear family.

Change happens slowly, but it does happen. In an ideal world, adoption would be an option but not the only choice for all parents, regardless of where they live. To the extent that we can, organizations that are involved with adoption need to support programs that help create choices for parents everywhere. Adoption is a wonderful option, but as such, it needs to be a choice and not a forced alternative for those who want to keep their family together.

Indeed, having options for all parents serves to reinforce the ability of an adoptee to look back later in life and feel confident that their birth parent(s) wanted their child to have a better life than they could give them. This greatly helps an adopted person feel at peace with decisions made long before they could participate in or appreciate the choices made for them many years before.

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