Dear Family,

We are reaching out to our Korea list to address the tragic event that took place at Virginia Tech college and any implications that it may have for those with a child from South Korea. As you know, the person responsible for the mayhem was a very troubled young man who was originally from South Korea. Yesterday, one of our parents, Lisa Lincoln, e-mailed me about her concerns and that this issue could impact many WHFC families. I thought she made several good points and had done a terrific job discussing the situation with her 8 and 10 year old Korean born children . She has given me permission to share as much as I wish to from her message.

Lisa says that for some of her children's friends, her son and daughter are the only Korean-Americans that these children know. As many of you probably do, Lisa tries to shield her children from upsetting news stories as much as possible. In this case, there was so much TV coverage of the event that she realized other children might hear the story and tell her children about it, just because they are also Korean.

Instead of taking the chance that this might happen, Lisa decided to tell her children what happened at the college and give them a chance to talk about it. She wanted to prepare them for any remarks they might overhear or that could possibly be directed at them. As we all know, children can be extremely sensitive to things they hear. She wanted to ensure that her children will have confidence in themselves regardless of anything that they hear about this terrible event. Lisa was particularly worried that friends of her 10 year old son might say something inappropriate.

Like Lisa, many of you may be struggling with what to say to your child. Lisa decided to explain to them that a very sad thing happened at a college and that a student there who was of Korean background had killed and hurt many people with a gun. She was open in sharing her concern that perhaps someone they know might say something to one of them about what had happened simply because they are from Korea. She pointed out several times that what this young man did has nothing to do with them and that just because someone looks like you or is from the same place, it doesn't mean that the person has anything to do with you.

Many of us don't talk with our young children about hard things. We hope that our children won't be faced with that topic or situation. However, this is a case where it is likely that most of our school age children will hear about this tragedy. For those of you who have Korean-born children in school, you may want to talk with them and encourage them to share their thoughts with you. As a parent, you know them best and are the best judge of whether this would be helpful for your child. Thanks to Lisa Lincoln for sharing her thoughts and words with all of us.

With most toddlers and preschool age children, it is usually best to handle things differently. Although they are probably too young to understand what has happened or digest the implications, children do absorb a lot of what they hear. But hearing and processing something are quite different. When young children are unable to make sense out of something, it can become confusing and scary. It is best to be aware of what you talk about when they are around and what your child is exposed to on TV. As adults, most of us are so used to a constant barrage of information that we don't always recognize the impact it may have on our young children. Once again, this is a suggestion to think about - you know your child best.

On Saturday, Deb Shrier will be addressing this topic at our Korea Culture Camp morning workshop with parents. Deb is one of our Post Adoption Counselors and a social worker. I will be talking to teens about the issue at the morning teen workshop.

If you need more individual help, feel free to contact your local WHFC office and talk with our Post Adoption counselor. In addition, I would be interested to know your thoughts on the topic, so feel free to write back!

Best wishes,
Vicki Peterson
Executive Director of External Affairs
Wide Horizons For Children, Inc.

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