Bumps in the road

By Jane Miller, Regional Director

As we consider WHFC successes and accomplishments, we center on our most precious clients, the children we serve. While many of our children transition seamlessly from country to adoptive home, there are, unfortunately, occasions when there are bumps in the road, and some more serious than others.

One such special situation came under the care of the New York office. Several months ago, through our international adoption program, a slight and shy five-year-old boy came home to his adoptive mom. (For the purpose of anonymity , we'll call him Michael.)

Unfortunately, and with great personal grief, the adoptive mother realized that Michael was not meant to be her child, and that another family would be best suited to have him be part of their family. A chain of events unfolded that would reveal both the adoptive mother's courage, as well as the dedication and commitment of WHFC staff to secure an adoptive home for Michael.

There were challenges ahead. Some might consider Michael's age a factor. How do you help a 5-year-old understand what is happening when there is a language difference? Are there issues requiring special intervention that do not readily meet the eye? It took an entire team to help support the adoptive mother, locate and counsel a new prospective family and, most importantly, be entirely sensitive to the needs of this child, helping him understand what was happening and to make the transition as smooth as possible.

The social worker counseled the adoptive mother, not only to look at all possible options for herself and her child, but to make sure she fully understood her decision. Grief and guilt are strong emotions that often have an impact on clear decision-making. A course of least resistance would have been for the adoptive mother to simply let time pass, in hopes of a more favorable outcome for herself. Family and friends would be disappointed in her decision, but she chose to put Michael first realizing that time was a significant factor for him. Not following through with her ultimate decision in a timely way, knowing that Michael needed to be with another family, would have resulted in further difficulties for Michael; she was acutely aware of this.

Michael was seen by a psychologist familiar with his circumstances and his country of origin. We made practical suggestions to help Michael, not only during this transition period, but also toward what support he may need in the future.

Over the course of several days, social work staff reached out to WHFC families who might prove to be a good "fit" for Michael. One particular family seemed to be a perfect match for him. Several meetings took place with the social worker, prospective family, the adoptive mother and with Michael, some separately and some as a group. When a decision was made to cautiously move forward, we met with Michael and his prospective family in our office, on separate day outings and on overnight visits.

In the end, through an incredible amount of diligence, hard work and a commitment to the best interest of this child, Michael was placed with his new family. Every person involved in this case - from social worker to program staff to management - relied on ethical practices, team work and an extraordinary commitment to the WHFC mission to find, for each child, the "security of a loving, permanent home."