Autumn and Adoption

By Barb Drotos, MSW, LICSW

With the change of seasons come many changes. As children, this is the time when we study nature, the life cycle, and the beauty of the changes in New England. "Leaf Peepers" travel far and wide to come to New Hampshire to look at our brilliant foliage in September and October. We celebrate with fall festivals in every corner of our amazing state!

Adoption brings with it many themes and one of those is grief and loss. Autumn is a beautiful way to talk to children about loss in a manner that honors that change is inevitable and with it, brings beauty that is beyond compare. Autumn is a perfect time to talk about change as a natural part of life and with change, there is amazing opportunity. Joy and sadness exist in the same story and this is a metaphor for children in adoption that is tangible, physical, and easy to understand. At the same time that we marvel at the brilliant colors and variety of foliage, we also know that the leaves will fall and die until they reappear in the spring with new life. At the same time that there was a separation from birth family and birth culture for adoptive children, your child joins your family and begins a most precious journey. The earlier children begin to understand both of these elements, the easier it will be for them to integrate when they are older. Simply stated, they are more likely to have an inner peace that comes with understanding and acceptance of themselves.

The concepts of adoption become more complex and layered as children age and their questions become deeper. Autumn is the opportune time to lay the groundwork for future conversations about adoption, family, birth, death, and change. For children who are not adopted, the conversation about autumn is also filled with the joy of witnessing the brilliant hues and preparing for the sadness of loss as the leaves fall and become part of the earth. The cycle of life is a natural part of the conversation, regardless of your religion or belief system. Parents everywhere, I encourage you to take this conversation to the next level. Joy and sadness in the same conversation; it exists in many areas of our lives. It is a complex, but important lesson. For children and families in adoption, this is critical. It is about remembering the past, while also rejoicing in our present and our future together.

You can weave this conversation into any number of fall activities. Here are some suggestions that will help you to dive right in!

Fall festivals:
Read your local newspaper to notice listings of pumpkin and harvest festivals near you

Leaf pressing:
Remember this from elementary school? Collect leaves and press them between contact paper from your local craft store.

Crafts:
Your local craft store will be packed with ideas this time of year. Include your child in finding some that involve leaves, trees, or seeds that are native to your area.

Nature walks:
Visit your local Audubon Center or state park for trail maps. Bring a camera to take nature photos or a bag to collect leaves, pine needles, and seeds.

Have fun!