Celebrating Family: the Role of Holiday Rituals

By Barb Drotos, LICSW

Most families have rituals over the holidays. Some are simple and unspoken, some are elaborate with the finest details. Some families come together and fill a house with the hustle and bustle of gifts, laughter, and high energy. Some families celebrate quietly and the peace of the season brings family members an inner, beautiful joy. However your family honors the season, the holidays are opportunities to foster attachment and build family cohesiveness and this is especially important for adoptive families. Something as simple as planning a holiday dinner menu together can pull family members into a ritual that becomes a full sensory experience. In many ways, family identity is as important as individual identity. Family identity can be like the rich soil from which your child’s identity grows and develops.

This season, take a look at what your family already does, before, during and after the season. Are they experiences that involve sight, sound, touch, taste and smell? Most likely, they do. Are there ways you can build on these routines or traditions? This is the first place to start. For example, if you make ham dinner on New Year’s Eve, include the kids in deciding what to make for side dishes. Plan fun kid friendly desserts that they can help with and prepare a day ahead of time with them. This gives them a sense of family, connection to the celebration, and a sensory experience in touch, smell, taste, sight, and maybe even sound (for example, playing a certain CD while baking). The richer the sensory experience, the richer the experience is and this creates an opportunity for children to connect through the activity. Even for children who are connected on deep emotional levels, sensory rich activities build wonderful memories!

There are three important types of rituals to consider including in your holiday season.

1. One tradition that has been passed through the generations in your family. This can be as simple as a song, a favorite dessert, or a story that is read as a family.
   Keeping one tradition alive from your family incorporates your personal heritage into your child’s experience and identity. In America today, most of us have some sort of blended heritage and a ritual that recognizes your family lineage gives a strong message that history is important and everyone in the family has a heritage that is important.
2. One tradition from your child’s country of origin. Whether you are parenting by birth, foster care, adoption, or guardianship, your child’s heritage is important. Incorporate at least one tradition that honors your child’s culture.
   Finding a tradition from your child’s country of origin is something that many adoptive families do very well. Whether your child’s lineage is rooted in the US or another country, this is especially important for children. It sends the message quite directly that your child is important and their roots are essential in the family. It can be a fun, engaging process to choose a specific ritual that honors your child’s heritage.
3. One tradition that you create as a family. You are a unique family and creating a ritual together is not only fun but is also very important. Pick something that represents the whole family and be sure to have each member of the family contribute ideas.
   A tradition that you create as a family: what fun! Enjoy this one and consider many possibilities. Together, discuss the options. This can be simple or elaborate. Think about what your family enjoys the most. Are you an active family or creative and artistic? Is making cookies or creating home made holiday gifts something that sounds like a blast? Or, going on a sleigh ride and cutting down the holiday tree more exciting? Putting on your favorite family holiday music and reading together one evening? The possibilities are endless.

There are a wide variety of resources, in print and on the web, to help you create holiday family rituals. Bring rituals into the holiday; a fun but planful way to bring family together and a foolproof way to build stronger connections.

References

Everyday Traditions: Simple Family Rituals for Connection and Comfort, by Nava Atlas, 2005

Rituals for Holidays & Everydays, by Meg Cox (Author), Sarah McMenemy (Illustrator), 2003

I Love You Rituals, by Becky A. Bailey, 2000

www.familyfun.com

http://teacher.scholastic.com/holiday/factsfun.htm

www.adoption.about.com

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