China Travel: Lifelong Connections and Cherished Moments

By Pat Hoopes, MSW, LICSW

A WHFC social worker describes the highlights and benefits traveling with a group of adopting parents to China.

Exploring the possibility of adopting from China, the anxious pre-adoptive parents sit before their social worker and ask, "Will we have to travel? For how long? Do we both have to go?" To many at this stage in the adoption process the answers mean more time, more money, and more anxiety.

Prior to traveling to China last year, I would answer matter-of-factly "yes, about two weeks, and only one but both recommended."

Today, having traveled to China with a group of adopting parents, my responses would be: "yes, you'll love China. It is fascinating! ; about two weeks, enough time to soak up some history and culture- a priceless gift to share with your child later on; and finally, although one parent is required to travel neither of you would want to miss this incredible experience!"

There is much that China does well in offering their children to adoptive parents. Asking parents not only to travel to their child's country of birth but to stay awhile and visit is surely one of them. An added bonus is group travel which is unique to China. Traveling in a group not only offers mutual support and camaraderie but often lifelong connections for parents and children. Wide Horizons for Children also sends a physician, social worker or both to accompany each group.

Traveling to China, like travel anywhere has its challenges. The flight to China is long and the return home still longer when your own comfort takes a back seat, so to speak, to your child's. There is waiting that feels interminable, unexpected changes in itinerary, and weather that may not be optimal. Indeed traveling to China to receive your child is a labor of love.

The group I traveled with was an especially large one consisting of couples traveling together, and singles traveling alone or with friends or family. Most were first time parents but there were several traveling to China for the second time.

For the most part the second time parents were more relaxed than their first time co-travelers. As experienced parents and prior travelers to China they were often able to give comfort and reassurance to those more anxious travelers. Experienced parents were also armed with practical child-care advice on such topics as eating, eliminating and sleeping to name but a few. They watched out for each other and noticed who wasn't feeling well or who was excessively anxious and offered help and reassurance. Often the escorting family member or friend of one adopting parent would lend a hand to a parent in greater need.

Another advantage of group travel is the variety of personality styles. The extroverted and adventurous tended to venture out and take advantage of every opportunity to touch, taste, feel, and smell their new environs while others kept within the safety and confines of the hotel. Gradually however the enthusiastic reports of the adventurous wet the appetites of the reticent and mixed groups began to meet for walks around the city or dinners away from the hotel.

When we were in Hefei City there was one particular single mother and her friend who were quite adventurous. They went out early one morning for a walk and discovered groups of men and women doing Tai Chi in the garden parks. Their stories of the color and beauty of the setting and the friendliness of the people enticed others to join them the following morning.

Another benefit to China's travel requirement is the guided sight-seeing opportunities. Before receiving the children, parents in our group had the opportunity to visit the Forbidden City, The Great Wall and other monuments to China's rich history and culture.

In preparation for writing this article I reread the journal I kept during my visit to China. I found keeping a journal helped me recall the visceral qualities of the journey, those details and nuances that are quickly pushed from our memory to make way for the details of the moment. Some of the parents took extensive video and others many, many pictures. I can imagine how helpful these images will be in telling the children the story of their country of birth and the way they became a family. Our hope is that parents will be able to convey the excitement and awe of these experiences to their children in the future.

For adopting parents the jewel of their travel to China is their child and recalling the first time they held her is the crowning moment of their quest. In my journal I wrote: "Today was the big day. Parents were very nervous. We met at nine thirty in a large meeting room. There was a big conference table covered with a green felt cloth. On top were two small Chinese flags. The babies and nannies were in the next room. One by one each parent was called and presented their child. Some of the children clung to their nanny and cried, others looked confused but went along quietly . . . There was lots of picture taking and videos. . . Then one representative from each family sat around the table while Mr. Ding (our guide) and a civil affairs representative did some paper work. Next each family with child sat before the notary for an interview. All the families gathered around the table again and the Notary made a short speech about the babies and their connection to Anui Province. It was quite touching."

Returning home to Logan Airport we were not the same group that had left. Not only had we added the children, but we had formed relationships through time, adversity and the connection of the children that, we hoped, would extend many years into the future.

In our experience at Wide Horizons for Children we find that these groups often remain connected by e-mail and periodically get together. For example the group I was with recently met at the Aquarium and they are planning a gathering on the Cape for this summer.

Beyond the camaraderie and connection made by the adopting parents the thread that keeps families in these groups connected over time are the children and their connection to each other. The children of these parents have much in common. Beyond being Chinese born, adopted by American families, and similar in age, many of these children come from the same orphanages. Without knowing the identity of birth families, this is the closest these children will come to a concrete connection with their past. It is also a way for them to understand that they are one of many children who for similar reasons were not able to be parented by their Chinese families.

Perhaps if given the choice some families would choose not to travel, but so much would be missed. life long connections and cherished memories to pass on.

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