Adopting an Attitude

The Sound, September 21, 2006

Branford - Catherine and Tim Shannon will be the first to tell you they are not saints for being the adoptive parents of four young children. The Stony Creek couple simply wanted a family and decided to go out and start one.

The Shannons have four children, all adopted from Korea, from ages seven to a year and a half, and their clan has become what every family strives for: just to be normal.

"Adoption was something we always thought about," Tim said. "There are kids out there who need families. Catherine and I could provide that type of home."

According to the Shannons, their experience in adopting a child from another country was long and involved but full of great inspiration as well. Despite horror stories about adoption-there are even anti-adoption websites-after their first child it just seemed natural to continue to adopt and add to the family.

"Obviously after we had learned the ropes it was easier," said Catherine. "As anxious as it can be going through a process like this, it is part of the learning experience."

Both Tim and Catherine have gone to Korea as part of the adoption process, although most agencies do not require personal visits. The flights are long, but their reward was to see firsthand the care given to the children by foster families.

Korea has a strong cultural emphasis on families and tradition. By 1955, when the Korean War had officially ended, western concepts of adoption became the solution for the battle-ravaged country and its many orphans.

One of the reasons the Shannons chose Korea was because of its long tradition of adoption and experience in matching children to families.

"The process does help you get prepared," Tim said. "The Korean people are very accommodating, and we were able to meet the foster family, which was a great sense of comfort. The Korean people love children, and they get great tender loving care."

The process, according to the Shannons, can be difficult and they caution prospective parents to do their homework. But they are both adamant that the joy and love they share in their family was well worth the phone calls, bureaucratic red tape, long flights, and paperwork.

"It is amazing-the first moment when you meet. You are always anxious, but within minutes it all goes away. When you hold that child, it is like it has never been anything different," Tim said.

Catherine added, "You feel like you've known them forever. There certainly is a difference between talking about it and actually receiving word of a referral. It can be scary, as opposed to being a parent and having a biological child. Suddenly you have a baby-there is a gasp when someone says 'Here is your baby.' It's a big unknown, but life is a big unknown."

There is no couching the fact that their children are of Korean descent, and the Shannons remain upfront with their children and with residents who ask.

"People come up to us in parking lots or when we are out and ask us about the children. It is actually a great experience. Often it is from people thinking about adoption or going through the process themselves," Catherine said. "Adoption may not be for everybody, but adoption is accepted now, mixed families are accepted, and I feel lucky to live in a country where those choices are accepted."

"It is reflective of the times," said Tim. "People approach but as admirers; it's out of curiosity and many are involved the same process themselves and have questions."

The Shannons said the best part of their experience is how fortunate they feel to have a family. "I feel so lucky to be the parent of four children," said Catherine. "I feel really fortunate to be able to have the experience of being an adoptive parent. The experience of seeing my child for the first time-I knew it would be okay after that."

Tim said he shared Catherine's feelings. "I sometimes think about how unbelievable it all is," he said. "These kids were born on the other side of the world, and now we are all under the same roof. I couldn't imagine that when this started that we would get to where it is now. We are truly overwhelmed with the power of that. All we talk about is how lucky we are."

Catherine does volunteer work, advising prospective adoptive parents through the agency that she and Tim used. As with any major life decision, she recommends careful research and contemplation on the matter.

There are several adoption agencies in the area that cater to prospective adoptive parents, including The Family and Children's Agency of Norwalk (203-855-8765, www.familyandchildrensagency.org ) and The Wide Horizons For Children Adoption Agency (781-894-5330, www.whfc.org).

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