Birth Stories — Adoption Story: Jennifer Douglas

Mommy Magazine, May/June, 2007

People come to adoption for different reasons. Jennifer Douglas was already a mom of two daughters, Hannah and Sarah, when she says she began noticing little things in her day-to-day life that raised her curiosity about adoption.

Jennifer and her husband, Greg, thought they were 'done' after one child. "The older your child gets, the harder it is to think about starting over with an infant," she remembers. When the family made its move to Sarasota from the Clearwater area, it was Greg who decided, "If we're going to [have another child] we need to do it." "I was pregnant with Sarah that month. All of a sudden we had a little family that we created," said Jennifer. "We'd done something amazing."

Despite thinking they were 'done' with two children, Jennifer says confirmations began cropping up in her path: seeing an article at the hairdresser's or noticing donations for family meal bags while waiting in line at Publix. She got teary-eyed thinking about the kids. "I prayed a lot for guidance," she said about determining whether adoption was the journey her family was meant to embark upon.

"I didn't feel I needed to be pregnant to be a parent again. I started researching and found Life Link Child and Family Services in Sarasota. We are super lucky to have an agency so close. I called Jennifer Massie, the Director of the agency, and she met with me the next day. It is such an adventure," Jennifer says passionately. "And it started with the idea of a child."

Jennifer says the process is not like being pregnant, where you know you have a baby arriving in nine months. "Having been pregnant twice, it was surreal. How soon do you tell people where your child is coming from? When do you tell people you have a son? When do you get the room ready?"

The adoption process took a year for the Douglas family, which Jennifer says is 'really fast.' As the family's social worker, Massie conducted the family's home study and background checks. Once she has decided a family is qualified to adopt, the Douglas placement was made through Wide Horizons For Children in Massachusetts.

"The paperwork is not insurmountable, and Jennifer [Massie] was there to make it bearable," admits the proud mom. "I just concentrated on doing something everyday to get it done."

The two questions Jennifer knows others want to ask — and might be afraid to ask — are, "Is there a lot of paperwork and how much does it cost?"

Thousands of families adopt, and Jennifer notes that they're not all rich — even teachers choose adoption. "People fundraise," she said. "You make it work. Some people have baby showers and ask for donations as gifts. There are grants available. Agencies and the countries themselves help make it work. It's not cost prohibitive."

Throughout the process Jennifer continued to pray for guidance and says that she just "felt our child was in Asia." South Korea has a reputation for healthy babies and a reliable International adoption program. Also, Jennifer and Greg wanted to try for a boy. In South Korea, many of the children available for adoption are boys. "It's the opposite of China," noted Jennifer. She says you can make specific requests, such as gender, but there is no guarantee. "We were sure we'd likely be assigned a boy, since we already have two girls."

Jennifer also knew that she wanted a young baby. Her son, Jacob, went directly to a baby home from the hospital and was assigned to the DOuglas family only four months after their paperwork had been submitted to South Korea. The family received a photo of Jacob — in this case from the minute he was born — and information the birth mother wished to provide.

"That was an intense moment," said Jennifer. "[Receiving] a photo of your son who is waiting half-way around the world. You start bonding right then — that's all you have."

The nurse caring for Jacob also made a scrapbook for the Douglas family showing how much Jacob was cared for in his adoption facility. A lot of thought goes into placing a child with the right family. "It's not just a random number assignment," said Jennifer, "they spend a lot of time looking at the family profiles and praying over it."

Jacob arrived at his Sarasota home one week shy of his four-month birthday; December 15, 2006. The family wasn't able to travel to pick him up in his birth country, but everyone — including grandparents — was there to greet him at the airport.

Jennifer admits waiting was hard, and they sent their son clothing and blankets, including a blanket the family had slept with, to really help the bonding begin. The blanket familiarized Jacob with the scent of his parents. Jennifer also 'wore' Jacob in a baby carrier and made lots of eye contact to assist bonding. Jennifer says Jacob adjusted well and wasn't stressed. The family was given a flight bag with information about how he sleeps and his habits, but part of the adventure is discovering his unique characteristics. "I think he's funny. He is happy. He smiles with his whole face," beams Jennifer. "He's healthy and I have no doubt he knows I'm his mommy."

Sister Hannah, 8½, adjusted well with the new addition. She took art lessons and painted a nightstand with Jacob's Korean name. Two year old Sarah found the change more of a shock, even though she had seen pictures and been included in the process. "She exhibits normal two year old behavior," says mom. "Although she doesn't want to help feed him, I noticed she has been putting her babies in the other sling."

Jennifer admits that she was tougher on her girls. When Jacob cries, she said "I feel like I have to get to him right away because I want him to bond and feel secure."

"We're happy our family is made this way," said Jennifer. "We're busy, three is more work than I expected. It was not so hard with two, but they are six years apart!"

Adoption has been an 'amazing journey' for the Douglas family. "At times long and sad, but I never questioned what we were doing. I've said twice that I'm done. I love our family and it's complete," she said. "Our hearts and our home are full."

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