Choices from the Heart: Adoptive Families Are Integral to Community's Identity

Grace Magazine, February 14, 2007

IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS that most contemporary families don't resemble that old statistical average: a mom, a dad and 2.2 biological children. But while variations on the norm are ever more common, many people might be surprised to discover just how diverse families in their own hometowns are and how much of that diversity is due to adoption.

Take Westerly. The Janat family is one of many in the longtime Italian-American enclave that includes children adopted abroad. In May 2005, Eugenié and Fouad Janat brought home their sons, Bereket and Tsegaye, from an Ethiopian orphanage. In the nearly two years since the couple welcomed their boys, then 4 years and 16-months-old, the Janats have connected with many other adoptive families nearby.

Among these new friends are fellow Westerly residents Donna Villano and Tom Malkemes, who adopted their daughter Mya, 3, from China two years ago.

"We're quite diverse here, but people don't always see it," Janat says.

In fact, Janat and Villano say they have met families with children adopted from Korea, Vietnam, Colombia, Russia, Kazakhstan and Guatemala. And in late January, a North Stonington family was preparing to welcome two little girls from Ethiopia, Janat says.

In 2006, immigrant visas were issued to 20,679 orphans coming to the United States, according to the U.S. State Department. The top country of origin was China, followed by Guatemala, Russia, Korea and Ethiopia.

The local anecdotes and national numbers support the idea that the more families choose adoption, the more other families become open to the idea, says Vicki Peterson, executive director of external affairs for the nonprofit Wide Horizons for Children, based in Waltham, Mass., the agency used by the Westerly families.

"Every person who adopts, regardless of where they adopt from, becomes an ambassador for adoption," she says.

Today, 60 percent of U.S. citizens polled say they have a close friend or relative who has an adopted child, Peterson reports.

Wide Horizons, started by a handful of parents to help Vietnamese children during the Vietnam War, now places nearly 700 children a year from 11 different countries with their "forever families." The agency has more than 100 employees in offices in seven states, including West Hartford, Peterson says.

Increased visibility of adoptive families makes it easier for others to consider adopting, she says, as they see other families succeeding, find out about the process by talking to adoptive parents and learn about the desperate need of so many children around the world.

"It becomes much less of a scary thing," Peterson says.

The increase in adoptions from Ethiopia is an example of that phenomenon. Wide Horizons started an adoption program with Ethiopia about three and a half years ago. (Other agencies had programs in the country prior to that.) During the first year WHFC placed 20 children from Ethiopia, the second year it was 50; in 2006 the number had jumped to 139.

That's wonderful news to the Janats, who work to keep their boys connected with other Ethiopians and the culture of their home country. Janat says that while "being a parent is being a parent," there are differences in the adoptive family experience. And those differences multiply when the children are from another culture and don't look like their parents, she and Villano say.

For example, Janat taught her son Bereket the meaning of the word "adopted" before he started kindergarten at State Street School so that he would learn it from his mother rather than from someone else.

With such issues in mind, Janat and Villano have formed the Adoption Family Network of Greater Westerly. The group, which will hold its first meeting for parents on Feb. 28, is open to Westerly and the surrounding communities and to all adoptive families, whether the children are natives of Africa, the United States or anywhere in between.

"I don't want anyone to think they can't come," Janat says.

The only criterion for joining is that the family must be one that's become whole through adoption, the women say. Down the road the group will offer activities for children, parents and the whole family at various times.

"We are completely open to what this looks like," Janat says.

These mothers of young children are hoping families with older adopted children will attend, too. "It would be nice to talk to parents of teen-agers," says Villano.

The women see much value in forming a network with any and all adoptive families in the region.

"We all come from different backgrounds but we all have this in common," Janat says. "I think it's important for us to see each other but it's also important for the community to see us."

Adds Villano,"we want the town to know that the community is not what it used to be."

And they want the community to know what goes into becoming an adoptive parent and why that parent-child bond is just as strong as in biological families.

"It hits you in the gut. That's it," Janat says of becoming Bereket's and Tsegaye's mom.

Peterson, who has been with Wide Horizons for nearly 30 years, can attest to that. After she was with the agency for about five years, her family adopted a child from Korea.

"There are faces that will always stay with me, hundreds of faces," she says.

While the path to international adoption wasn't one Villano or Janat always expected to follow, they know it was the right path for them.

"If you told me 10 years ago that I'd be learning Mandarin and adopting a Chinese child ...," Villano says, smiling as her words trail off. "What really sealed my fate was a Marie Claire article about China and the fate of girl babies."

The article told how an infant girl was dumped in an alley, and the body stayed there until an old man scooped it up with cardboard and threw it in a dumpster.

Villano recounts that story not to vilify the Chinese, but to identify the moment when it hit her that this is what she was meant to do.

The Janats' route to Ethiopia was even less direct.

"I wasn't keen on international adoption. It was the money. It seemed mercenary," Janat says.

Initially, she and her husband worked with the Rhode Island Department of Children, Youth & Families, but after three years they were still waiting.

It was then that the Janats began looking into international adoption. The process takes about a year and a half and requires lots of paperwork, site visits from the adoption agency, background checks, references, etc. Permits, legal fees and country fees account for much of the cost, as does travel. Parents are in the child's country of origin for at least 10 days (in the Janats' case) and for up to six weeks in some cases. Expenses vary from country to country but typically run around $20,000 to $30,000.

While these moms sometimes hear criticism from those who believe that individual adoptions can do little to help the state of children, particularly in such troubled places as Africa, Janat has the perfect retort.

"I can't change the world, but I can change the world for one child," she says.

The Adoption Family Network of Greater Westerly will meet at 7 p.m., Wednesday, Feb. 28 at The Westerly Public Library, 44 Broad St. This initial informational meeting is limited to parents only. For more information please contact WesterlyAdoption@yahoo.com.

Top