Local parents give home to kids from China

Roslindale and West Roxbury Transcripts, June 8, 2006

It's said that when empty-nest time comes around, parents often engage in some sort of celebration: buying a new (smaller) house, going on a long-delayed vacation. But that wasn't the case with Maureen Tripp and Pierre Spy.

Their son Julian, 20, is off at college; their daughter Kit, 19, who took some time off after high school, is heading out later this year.

Meanwhile, the West Roxbury mom and dad just returned from China. But it wasn't exactly a vacation. They went there to adopt a daughter Lulu, who just turned 4. Wait, it gets more interesting — this is the second girl they've adopted from China. They also did it four years ago when Maureen went over to get Libby, who is now 5 ½.

"We had always wanted to have more children," says Maureen, a media librarian at Emerson College. "But unfortunately we just weren't able to; it never worked out, so we decided to adopt. But it took a long time for us to do everything we had to do — to decide to do it, then to get all the paperwork together. We had actually started the process about six years ago."

Those thinking about adopting a child from another country should know that it's a long, involved undertaking that begins locally.

"We both went to Wide Horizons For Children, a nonprofit agency in Waltham," says Maureen. "They guided us through the process. They came and did a home visit and did interviews with each beforehand. And we had to provide three reference letters."

"They also did background checks and they had to get our fingerprints," adds Pierre, a software engineer.

"You can adopt from many different countries, and people might prefer one country over another, or they might not have any strong preference," says Maureen. "I always wanted to adopt from China, but I don't really know why."

Although Maureen went on her own the first time — the kids at home were still too young to be alone for an extended period, so Pierre stayed with them — the basics of each trip were similar. Before the adoptive parents leave the States, the agency makes a match with an orphanage in China, paperwork and photos — of the American parents and the Chinese child — are sent back and forth, there's a meeting in China between the parents, the orphanage director, a doctor and the child's caretakers.

And a great deal of money changes hands.

"Oh yes, you have to bring a lot of cash," says Maureen. "Once you're in China, you have to make a donation to the orphanage, you have to pay various fees for the judge who does the adoption, you have to pay a registrar. And it has to be in cash."

"And it has to be in nice, clean American dollars, " adds Pierre. "Hundreds. We had a couple of hundred dollar bills with small tears, and they wouldn't take them, even at a Chinese bank. I think there's a lot of counterfeiting over there."

But there's also a great deal of organization involved in these adoptions. When Maureen went the first time, she traveled with a group that was sponsored by the agency. There were about 30 people that were going to adopt about 15 babies, and there was a guide and a translator who traveled with them to help out and handle all the paperwork, and tell everyone what they needed to do every step of the way. This time, too, both Maureen and Pierre traveled with others who were going to adopt.

"About a year ago, I thought Libby needed to have a sibling closer in age because Kit would be moving out," explains Maureen. "We went back to the same agency and had the same social worker."

The biggest difference with the second adoption — aside from the kids' ages and the fact that Pierre and Libby came along with Maureen — was that they had more time on their own.

"We got to do a little sightseeing," says Pierre. This included visiting a pearl factory, a silk factory, the Forbidden City and a Wal-Mart that carried live fish and turtles. But he was most impressed by the Great Wall of China.

"It was great," he practically shouts. "You can't imagine it unless you see it — it's so steep!"

But then it was time to get down to the actual person-to-person business of the adoption. It was time to meet Lulu.

"We kept telling Libby this was going to happen," says Maureen. "But I don't think she was all that happy because she doesn't want any competition."

But it was Lulu, not Libby, who was the focus of that first meeting.

"The people who took care of her at the orphanage brought her to us at a government office," says Pierre. "That's where they handed her over. At first she was happy because she thought everybody in the room was just socializing. But when they started saying bye bye, she got all freaked out. We picked her up and she was crying uncontrollably. This didn't happen with Libby because she was a baby at the time."

Another problem was that Lulu didn't speak any English, and there's still some question of whether her language is Mandarin or Cantonese.

"Our guide there told us she speaks Cantonese, and he did speak with her in that language," says Maureen.

"But she doesn't seem to answer anybody in Cantonese," says Pierre.

Since they got her back home, most communicating has been done via body language.

"She nods for yes and shakes her head for no," explains Pierre. "And she actually parrots everything we say in English. She knows 'hi' and 'bye.' She picked that up. And she knows 'pee pee.' But I'm looking up a lot of things in a Cantonese dictionary."

Libby currently attends the Acorn Pre-School in Chinatown, a bilingual Cantonese-English school that specializes in teaching English to Chinese kids whose first language is Chinese.

"So we'll be putting Lulu in the same school," says Maureen. "I think it's a good program for her."

Pierre has faith that she'll be speaking pretty good English soon enough.

"The most frustrating thing right now is that we can't explain anything to her," he says. "It's hard to comfort her if she's crying because she doesn't know what we're saying. So we try to hold her and remain calm and be reassuring. I know that she's struggling."

And how are the two kids getting along now that they're on Libby's home turf?

"Lulu's not a pushover," says Maureen. "She can't be intimidated by Libby."

"If Libby tries to take something, Lulu will fight back," says Pierre. She's coming out of an orphanage, where there are lots of kids, and it's about survival. But I think she was taken very good care of there."

Two final questions are put to the parents. First, are you happy you did this again?

The answers are brief and immediate.

"Yup," says Pierre.

"Definitely," says Maureen.

Second, will you do this again?

They each take a moment before answering.

"I don't think so," says Pierre.

"I'd like to, but it's a huge undertaking, so probably not," says Maureen. "And this house is way too small."

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