What I Learned From My Brother, Paul

By Ivan K

A few years ago, as my family was reading a book about the lives of orphans in Russia, the question came up, "Can we help at least one of them?" We started to talk about it during family dinners, imagining what it would be like to have another person in our family. But this time it would be someone who had never lived in a loving atmosphere, a child who would need to be taught basic rules of living. I certainly was not ready for it at that time. Since the decision required the commitment of everyone in the family, the adoption was postponed. After months of thinking and reading, I slowly came along with the thought of this possibility. When I told my parents that I was ready for adoption, we all started a long process of paperwork that took us over a year to complete. During that time, all of us were preparing for the upcoming adjustment in our different ways. The more I read and heard about adoption experiences, the more nervous I became. But being the oldest of three kids, I had to show faith and confidence in what we were about to do.

As the day of the adoption came closer I became more anxious. When my family and I got onto the plane, our minds were filled with images of the child. Our optimism started to weaken after we landed in Russia. People dressed in rags begging for a measly quarter, kids trying to make a living by singing songs or dancing in the streets, hungry orphans screaming "Mama! Papa!" every time we entered the orphanage...all this was beyond my optimistic expectations. How can any child be normal after living in this environment?

Paul, the six year old boy whom we adopted, came from the streets of Moscow. He ran away from his abusive alcoholic mother at the age of four. After living in the streets for several months, he was put in an orphanage where our family found him a few months later.

The first couple of months after Paul joined our family were challenging. We had to teach him all of the basic things that most kids already knew, from using the bathroom to living together as a family. When my mom was too tired to prepare Paul for school, I would take over and teach him basic arithmetic, reading, and writing. Meanwhile, my new brother was teaching me to see joy in having my bed and desk, in saying "Mama," and answering to "How was your day?", in riding a school bus, and simply having a usual daily routine.

Looking back at our adoption experience, I am glad we made this decision and did not stop during its challenging times. Not only has it brought a new brother into my life, but it has also taught me to appreciate lots of things that I took for granted.

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