A Necessary Trip

By Cynthia L

When my husband and I first met I knew that there was a possibility we could not have biological children. When I told him this he said that he was comfortable with the idea of adoption. It was not until we were married for a few years that adoption was our only option. We contacted an agency that convinced us that a Korean adoption was what we wanted to do. It did not work out with that agency, but they told us to contact Wide Horizons For Children. We began our home study with Lisa Seethaler, a social worker at Wide Horizons' office in Connecticut, in March of 2004. We applied to the Korea program after we completed the home study and waited anxiously to get on the waiting list for a referral. We told Lisa and Betsey Barrett, the Korea Program Coordinator, that we both really wanted twins. This was for two main reasons: we wanted two children and we wanted the children to have a biological sibling in the family. Betsey told us it had been years since twins were seen from Korea, and that we would most likely have to wait several years before we could expect a referral. It was suggested to us that we should ask for a single infant or twins so that we would not have to wait. We thought about this, but made the decision to ask for twins only and wait for no more than 6 months. We knew we could not wait longer because if we adopted one we would need enough time to adopt another child, and we were approaching the age cutoff for Korea. We were put on the waiting list in the end of June when all of our paperwork was finally approved.

Michael and I went to Toronto in August to visit his mother. Michael thought we should tell Lisa where we were, but I knew it was too soon to hear anything. We had been in Toronto for two days when Mary Fournier, manager of the WHFC Connecticut office, tracked us down and called us with a referral for boy-girl twins. We could not believe it. It had been only 6 weeks since we were put on the list. However, there was one catch: we had to travel to Korea to meet the birth parents and agree to send letters and pictures to them for the next few years. We immediately agreed to the stipulations. We were not originally happy with this arrangement, but would have agreed to almost anything. We were very apprehensive about the trip, as we knew the birth mother had the right to change her mind up until the children were out of the country.

I had hoped the children could be home for Christmas, however we were on the cusp of the cut off for quota for the year. We resigned ourselves to a long wait. Lisa called us on December 16th with the news that the children were ready to travel. The morning of the 18th we were in the air on our way to Korea. We did not want to be on this plane. We really had wanted our children to be escorted, but now I realize we were so wrong. It was the most wonderful experience possible.

Monday morning we went to the Holt main house. We waited anxiously in a small waiting room. Suddenly there was a lot of bustling going on. Both foster mothers and the twins suddenly appeared, and quickly removed their heavy winter coats unbundling the most precious cargo they were carrying. We each took a child and sat down in utter amazement. I was holding the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen, and Michael held our precious, tiny little girl. We had a chance to ask the foster mothers anything we could think of about the twins. Each woman was wonderful and warm hearted. It was clear when speaking with them, how much they loved these children. Even with the language barrier, we got a real sense of these wonderful women, and how they felt about the children. Olivia's foster mother had years of experience with other foster children, but she said to us that Olivia was special to her.Our Alex's foster mother had less experience, but also clearly had a special bond with Alex. Their relationship seemed more playful. She told us that Alex loved to watch both cooking and wrestling shows on TV. His foster father also had a very strong bond with him. He would change Alex's diapers, feed him, and let Alex fall asleep on his chest. These were things he did not do for his own tow sons who were a few years older! Again, these were details that we perhaps could have been told. But it was different to see it and feel it, and get that real sense of people that only comes with a face-to-face meeting.

Next we met the birth parents. Both the birth father and birth mother sat with the children and cried for about ten minutes before anyone said anything. It was not an easy moment, but a necessary one for them. And it was a moving one for us. Through the translator, we asked questions back and forth, trying to understand each other as much as possible. It was difficult. But we felt we could tell a lot about them from their expressions and gestures. What was clear, and satisfying to us, was that they were very sweet, sincere people. It was clear that all of this was hard for them, but they had so much wanted to meet us that it was worth the pain of the situation. We exchanged gifts, and at the end of the meeting, we were allowed to take pictures, as the birth parents had signed a waiver. We left the agency after that, leaving the twins with their birth parents for a while.

Two days later we returned to the agency to pick up the children. The foster parents showed all the clothes and bottles they were to give us for the trip home, and then said their goodbyes. It was difficult for them, of course. We thought it would be easier for Olivia's foster mother, since she had been through this many times. But it was harder for her. After a few tears, she handed Olivia to me and backed way. But she then insisted on taking Olivia back and holding her one more time. This routine was repeated several times until finally she was ready to let us take Olivia. It was a beautiful, touching moment, though a bit uncomfortable since she really seems like she wasn't sure if she could let go. Again, it was a moment, an experience that we never would have had if we had not traveled to Korea. We endured the long flight back with one stop over in Tokyo. The children did very well, especially given all that they were going through. Except for about one hour on the flight, they seemed relatively comfortable and happy. We finally made it home on December 23, just in time for Christmas. My dream of having them home for Christmas had come true! We spent Christmas Day just the four of us, since all our parents had become ill. We were tired, but it was the best Christmas ever.

Despite how exhausting it was, and all the anxiety we had about the trip, I would not change a thing. Meeting the birth parents and foster parents was more special and important than we had imagined. We ill have so much more to share with the children when they are old enough to hear our stories. It will enrich their lives, and connect them to the special people that cared for them during the first six months of life. Although having children escorted is more convenient, we are very glad that in the end we traveled to Korea. We recommend it to anyone who has the opportunity.

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