Opening the Door to Adoption

By Michelle D

When Michael and I married, we were both ready to fully embrace family life. We were overjoyed to welcome our daughter Mia and showered her with love and attention.

Following her birth, I had multiple miscarriages and finally a full-term pregnancy. Our daughter Kathryn was severely brain injured in the birth process and died when she was eight months old. Our grief was followed by infertility.

We began to research adoption. So many options. The more we researched, the more frightened we became. We knew of birth mothers changing their minds, and many tragic losses. Though the statistics were in our favor, we decided to close that door, all but a crack. A year later, a beautiful six-year-old pushed it wide open. The WHFC newsletter featured a little girl from Colombia who captured our hearts. We were disappointed when she was matched to another family, but accepted her role of just opening that door.

Now we were excited about adopting. The year away from the struggle had been what we really needed. Desperation was gone and we were content. We chose adoption, rather than feeling forced toward it.

Cathy Brown, our social worker, helped us choose the Guatemala program. DNA testing is required, ensuring that the children are only relinquished by their birth mothers. Visits by adoptive parents were allowed after referral; most of the children were in foster care; and many had begun life in the loving care of a foster mother. There was even a good chance we could meet the birth mother! We’d travel to adopt,and come home with a child legally ours. Further contact with the birth family is voluntary.

The process began: paperwork and managing the tasks. There were days I had a tough time with the mandatory classes, fingerprinting, reference and background checks, etc. I was irritated by the process but never overwhelmed by it. I could be honest with Cathy.

A few months after finishing, Cathy presented our referral. We were intrigued by the four-and-half-year-old boy who recently entered foster care, Alejandro. He’d been relinquished due to extreme poverty. Guatemala’s economy was devastated by a decades-long civil war and natural disasters. Alejandro’s infant sister had recently been adopted, and he had several remaining siblings.

We accepted the referral and began learning some basic Spanish to help us in Guatemala. Meeting Alejandro was one of the most touching and beautiful moments of my life. I saw attorney Ana Maria and her husband Oscar enter the restaurant with a little head bobbing alongside them. Alejandro instantly recognized me. With a big warm smile, he ran and hugged me, exclaiming, “Mama.” Then he kissed both my cheeks and handed me a pinwheel as a gift. My fears melted away. He was my little boy.

We traveled again for our embassy appointment a few months later. After standing in long lines, we were finally called into a tiny room where we were interviewed and then congratulated. Alejandro was now our son!

The next day, we met Alejandro’s first mother. She sincerely thanked us for adopting him. He could now have a good life. She told us some of Alejandro’s history. Guatemala was a great experience. We were amazed by the breathtaking natural beauty, the rich traditional Mayan culture. And we were deeply saddened by the widespread poverty.

Alejandro has been warmly welcomed in our community and extended family. He can win anyone over with his sweetness and his adorable grin. Alejandro and Mia get along almost all the time. Mia is protective of him. There are those moments of “She’s copying me!” and “He copied me first!” That’s when I know they’re really siblings.

He has forgotten most of his Spanish, though Mia and I continue to learn so he can see we value his first language. We also read the Spanish versions of our favorite stories. Guatemala has become part of our family heritage.

We’re very grateful to Ana Maria, her family, and the foster family for their kindness to Alejandro. We are also grateful to his first mother and I regularly send photos and news of Alejandro. We love Alejandro dearly. He is our son.

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