Unconditional Love

By Christopher A & Valerie M

Our story is probably very similar to that of many other couples who wanted to have children, but were having troubles on their own. We tried the various fertility treatments, but unfortunately none of those options worked for us. After the third unsuccessful IVF we both agreed we wanted to be parents and we should seriously consider adopting a child. Although we agreed to begin the process of looking at adoption and adoption agencies, there was still some level of doubt, principally from me — the father.

My wife had been referred to several adoption agencies through work colleagues and friends. Not only did we have to choose an agency to represent us, but also we had to decide if we wanted to adopt domestically or internationally. We talked to the different agencies and vetted our concerns and questions. It was evident to us that WHFC was an expert in the field of adoption.

We took a long look at international adoption. Though this is no longer true, at the time it seemed less complicated than a domestic adoption since there was less risk of having to get involved with the birth mother and birth family. We had also heard that about 50% of all birth mothers change their mind after the baby is born, which was cause for concern. However, if we wanted a newborn child, domestic adoption was the way to go. Our decision was based on our desire to have the newborn experience, at least for our first child.

The decision to use WHFC for a domestic adoption was not a hard one to make. The staff at WHFC is very professional and has a great deal of success with both international and domestic adoptions. They made us feel very comfortable and were patient with our many questions. So, we signed up for the domestic program and started working with the team there.

We started off slowly. It took us a little time to get our profile readied. Both of us work, so we were struggling with some of the execution aspects. To help increase our options, we chose to work with a facilitator. For a fee, this individual would provide guidance on putting your profile together, as well as market you to prospective birth mothers. Once we got on board with the facilitator, the process started to gain momentum. We still relied on WHFC for guidance and support, but the facilitator helped get us focused and shape our approach. It was a very smart decision. Within 3 months of completing our profile and hiring the facilitator, we were matched with a birth mother.

Our birth mother lives in New Jersey. She had read our profile and wanted to speak with us. My wife spoke with her first, then I did. She wanted to meet us, so we drove down the following weekend. It was a very positive meeting. We returned home and learned that she wanted us to adopt the baby when it was born. She specified her desire for an open adoption, and we worked with her to understand what that meant to her. We agreed to meet again. In fact, we drove back down to NJ in about a month and met with some of her family and the birth father. It all seemed good. We were all on board and eagerly awaiting the arrival of our son.

Our son was born on January 20, which was 7 months and a few days from the date we signed papers with WHFC. We were lucky it all moved so quickly. We did have some challenges along the way and WHFC was instrumental in supporting us throughout the entire process. Our first big challenge came when our birth mother had second thoughts about rescinding her birthrights. She wanted to talk about her feelings with my wife. Fortunately, they had established a bond and a special relationship that enabled those conversations. After a very stressful 72-hour period (NJ's time frame for rescinding birthrights), Owen was ours. It was a magical day when we could finally tell the world we had a baby boy!

WHFC was especially helpful during the time we were in NJ waiting for the birth mother to rescind her birthrights, and then later for the interstate compact to be approved by the courts. We had frequent conversations with our social worker and even the Director of WHFC called to check in on us. We really appreciated being in such close contact with them.

That was back in 2004. We were parents... of a newborn. Our once dual income, no kids lifestyle was gone. Adios. Oh, I can look upon the old life and laugh. I can kid and make jokes about it. But would I never want to go back. My wife and I are in love. With each other? Of course, but we're in deep love with our son. Our lives were forever changed. All for the better.

As mentioned, our adoption with Owen was an open adoption. Our birth mother has no expectation of meeting him unless we are all in agreement. My wife speaks regularly with her; they have become close friends - like sisters. Even her family has reached out. They send gifts at birthdays and holidays. We email photos and keep them up to date. It's all good. We love having so much history and knowledge about the birth family and hope, in due time, to share it.

In late 2005 we got a call from Owen's birth mother informing us that she was pregnant again, and the birth father was the same as Owen's. She asked if we would adopt this child. She was debating whether or not to terminate the pregnancy and reached out to us to see if we would be interested in adopting this child. It took us about 5 seconds to say yes. She later told my wife that we would have been the only ones she would entrust this child to. Luke was born in January 2006, and WHFC assisted us in making that adoption happen.

Today we have 2 boys, biological brothers, who are ages 3 and 5. They are healthy, active, and fun toddlers. They make us work, they make us clean up after them, they challenge us, and they require a lot of attention. But they give us the greatest gift — their unconditional love. They kiss us, they hug us, they cuddle, and they laugh. They make our lives better than our wildest imaginations. Would I do it again? I don't know... I hope two is my limit. Would I recommend adoption? Without a doubt. It's the smartest thing I have ever done. Remember I had doubts going into this, but I was wrong. I should never have had any doubts. The love of a child is the greatest feeling anyone can possibly have. If I had one concern it would be this: do they have to grow up to be teenagers?